the sleepless week

now i really found out that i really start to fall for him..i really need someone to talk to but i don hv the courage to tell anybody....i wanna tell him today especially when there is only 2 of us in the room the whole afternoon...i really wanna tell him that i like him but when tell myself n i look at him,i will eventually pretend that i look outside n peek at him,then look back at my laptop screen..as he just sit beside the window..so..he didn realize at all..i think..then tonight i try to sleep again but to no avail..i failed again= =...i kept thinking about him n i am desperately want to tell someone about my condition...at least someone will gives me opinion right?i just wanna know whether i really do like him o just an admire...starting from the time i look into his eyes...i don know...he just got those eyes that will make me nervous all over and eventually blushed ><..thus,he surely don't like at i m a fat girl,we are like 2 different ppl..he is smart and cool and good...i m just a stubborn girl who is stupid in almost everything...i really need a friend who i can trust that can keep my secret now...i really desperately need the talk so i can get my sleep again...

20/3

as th edays went by,i just couldn't thinking about u...seeing u every night just make matters worse...i hv already told myself..u r perfect enough..that's why i hv to back off..so u could find yourself a perfect one...me???i m just a big fat dumbass with no brains and even skills...i cant even cook...all i do is just ply games...i don get it...i thought i m the person who fall in love easily and also who will let go easily...but why cant i now??why cant i give up on u???i sometimes cant control myself n would go to ur table and look at what u r doing...and sometimes i will try to communicate with u...but when u sit beside a girl and even lend her ur phone...i cant do anything but just look and hope that she wont accept...is this called jealous??
ans somemore in the maths tutorial..whne i ask sir that tomorrow i m gonna attend his lecture again,ur reaction really surprises me....u ask me 'is it u actually don understand wat the sire teach during the lecture so u r gonna attend the same lecture again for tomorrow?'...inside me i was like..omigod...he actually cares for me...but then i suddenly just got nervous n says the truth out which is i absent for the lecture actually....shit..i shouldn't hv say that coz mayb he might tutor me...i guess i really think too much..= =
this shit is getting serious..i must PUT IT DOWN AND GIVE UP!!!CLEAR UR BRAINS N GO TO SLEEP!!!NOW!!!now!!!!!!!!!!!!

14/3

my class was on 8am.but i woke up late...around 7.15...then i rush to shower n finish packing my bag and rush to class..when i see him going through the shortcut..he is wearing his earphones..so i don want to call him..he is quite far from me so i try walk faster until i m right behind him...he still don know i m behind him..then i thought to myself..look around..just look around...but he didn't..so i thought again...if he turn around before we reach our class,i will keep fit n get his heart one day..then i look at his hair..then he look around..i look at his eyes..his cold eyes...he a bit shocked i was right behind him..inside i was like...omg...he can hear what i thought????@@..he take off his earphones..and i tried to act normal and avoid the awkward silent..as i open a discussion to talk wif him until we reach our destination which is not very far.when we reach our class,we walk separate ways as i always sit infront and he sit behind..when i settle down,i suddenly feel like an idiot who keep smiling..so i pretend to sleep so no one will notice..got some moments i will look at him n wonder if just now he actually just heard footsteps??...

It is really a long time since the last time i touch this blog..actually i forgot about this blog that i created..hehez...forgetful lar...ppl old liao sure forget things faster de a..XD

today suddenly got the urge to come here and write something...just some random things...fine..i couldn't sleep..and i don know why...fed up lar..i hv tried reading books but to no avail..then i tried close my eyes for a long time but in the end..i keep staring at the ceiling..then i scan my brain..actually what was i thinking that made me cannot sleep..then i got the urge to ply guitar...and its already about 2am..i thought of lazying around so i close my eyes again but then i give up..i take my guitar and ply..XD..good for a stress release i guess..^^

when i flip open the music book and found a song..'请非得以'..i just love that song..its reminds me a lots of memories which cannot be stated here..hehez..and also it reminds me of the application that i taken just now in facebook...it is an apps about what does your birthday color say about you...the result was actually surprisingly accurate..its says i fall in love easily and letting it go easily when i couldn't get it..i guess its true..because i always fall for the handsome guy,and a week after,i will let go off them coz usually that time was when i found their negative sides...wat i really means is like what i found things that i dislike in them...then i will let them go...and i will say to myself.."they r so perfect..with me??nehx..in my dreams also won't happen lar..they r just too perfect for me..he is tall,handsome,got money,etc..me who looks like a stupid,lazy,busybody,fat pig...he wants meh??haiya..."

but really sometimes i really wish to find someone that i really really will give my life to him.not only he must love me,but also must not shorter than me.hehez ><...actually there is more just that sure not enough space to write all that...XDD...haiya..lazy to write al..gonna try to sleep now..at least i hv a 2 hours of sleep then only go to class..X)..goodnight to me~

3 more days to go~

oh great...another day has gone...
and it almost times up for the SPM result to come out
why can't the holiday be any longer o just stop there@@?
when i got up today...SHOOT!!@@it's already 12noon..
oh great..i have to eat breakfast n lunch together = =
tomommow night i will be going to my friend's to BBQ...
i don't think i will diet on that time already..
I m gonna eat as much as i can@@
if not...don know after spm i can eat as much as that or not..

hmmm...today on9 meetoto..wel..as usual..nothing happened..
i go rockstar hangout and found ah yes over there...
i wonder if there is anyone call ah no...XDDD
then they can be twin lolx~~
i found a few professional singers there also X)
(Wings93,classicjazz,n somemore...a lot than u expected..)

To be continued...

Written by,
爱情Bluey

1:51pm
20/3/2011

UNABLE TO TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna find someone to talk to...when i found it..i hv nothing to say to them..i just felt something inside me is getting heavier n heavier..
I ask myself:MY GOD!!I GAIN WEIGHT???!!!
well..of coz after a few sleep eat sleep n eat routine...haha@@
but still there is like something wrong...very very wrong..
i feel like i made a wrong decision..but...I DON KNOW WHAT I HV MADE WRONG..
then i feel like..i want this then want this..when i got it home....'Y THE HELL I GET THIS THINGS?'
darn= =...
still now...i don know wat i really really REALLY want...Help me Pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!!SAVE ME!!

Written By,
爱情Bluey

11:33pm
26/2/2011

4th day of holiday

even it is a holiday..which everyone is eager to wait for it..but not me..although i can sleep till 12pm without mother nagging..but this makes me worry one little thing which is...
'I m alone again'
i always went to school..with a i-m-confident look..
but u haven't know..what actually happen inside of me..
i m not the confident ppl that u think is..i weaker than u hv thought..
n most of all...i m always alone..no matter how hard i try..i will ended up..being alone..
i try to go up..spice up the scene..ya..they r happy..which makes me happy..
but when someone came up stage..they will all forget about me..they will leave me aside..
even when i write a lot of things..they never read it nor answer my question..
mayb i m really useless after all..
i always think i deserve having a great family like them..but i was wrong..
i never deserve it at all..all of them so clever..n talented..me??jus only a piece of junk..which even a garbage junk would not like to take in..
i just only a stupid which make ppl more work to do..
i m only just a piece of junk which no one wanted..
i really deserve the lonely feelings which had haunted me for years..
this will never stopped..
wat hurt me most..even 'that' person..ignore me like others did..i guess there is really no good reason for me to live in this green Earth right?

Written by,
爱情Bluey a.k.a 坏运气天使

5:01pm
07/09/2010

4th day of holiday

even it is a holiday..which everyone is eager to wait for it..but not me..although i can sleep till 12pm without mother nagging..but this makes me worry one little thing which is...
'I m alone again'
i always went to school..with a i-m-confident look..
but u haven't know..what actually happen inside of me..
i m not the confident ppl that u think is..i weaker than u hv thought..
n most of all...i m always alone..no matter how hard i try..i will ended up..being alone..
i try to go up..spice up the scene..ya..they r happy..which makes me happy..
but when someone came up stage..they will all forget about me..they will leave me aside..
even when i write a lot of things..they never read it nor answer my question..
mayb i m really useless after all..
i always think i deserve having a great family like them..but i was wrong..
i never deserve it at all..all of them so clever..n talented..me??jus only a piece of junk..which even a garbage junk would not like to take in..
i just only a stupid which make ppl more work to do..
i m only just a piece of junk which no one wanted..
i really deserve the lonely feelings which had haunted me for years..
this will never stopped..
wat hurt me most..even 'that' person..ignore me like others did..i guess there is really no good reason for me to live in this green Earth right?

Written by,
爱情Bluey a.k.a 坏运气天使

1st day trial exam(2010)/bully by 老大 2 times in a row

bm paper...only got half life..tomorrow is sejarah is mati 99 de>< come back from school..feel like very emo~>< then i hv no other choice n scroll my mouse to the 'Google Chrome' n press it.. the first thing i press when i go in is...Meetoto!!wakakaka!no matter how hard i tried..i still couldn't get out of this site= =i jus jus wan to stick to it>< haizzzz...then i go in jiu straight 'AFK'!kckc studying XDD actually i facebooking~ at night,ya tou(my 3rd darling) came in n chat wif me~ then suddenly laoda don know where de screw has loosen suddenly ask want to ply a game not.. of coz i wan ply coz i m so damn bored =O=..only me,ya tou n laoda ply.. we go to a k room..only 1 ppl is there...so..the rules is..every person go up stage...then when a person came in..jus ask for his o her fb o hp number... the person who get the most wins...that sounds fun right? at first laoda go up...'pujuk' the boy but that guy already afk...XDD too bad.. that time laoda keep saying 'leng zai' part so funny~~ when no one came in...laoda call me go up n try persuade that guy...lolx>< then a girl came in~~guess wat??that time i keep saying leng lui leng lui until ya tou angry at me><
if for u..when u come in a place...suddenly a stranger say nid ur fb n hp number n also..keep saying u leng zai o leng lui...u sure say..'this person wat happen,sot jor?'
lolx= =kena bully by laoda...
then when he sing halfway suddenly he puo the advertisement..
i say don puo mine de..but he purposely puo it= =qi si wo le!==
N WORSE!!he purposely..forward to the introducing part LOLX!!!lucky when my turn to intro he fall down stage!!WAKAKAKAKA XP

by 爱情Bluey,

10.13pm
18/08/2010

The 6th Day in top secret~

nothing much happen today~only tsfm n watever it is...

神秘黑天使 15:43:18<♥†0p_$3cr3†♥™网路电台 【ONAIR】 http://tsfm.youstream.fm/

insult our laoda..u will never hv a great day i tell u~T.T
today at school suddenly got mood then make a logo for TSFM XD..but not yet let them see..but sure they don agree..theirs so high class..mine like juz a stupid piece of paper= =when TSFM o,Loving this time treat me good le..he really open the song tat i wanted XD!good for him..if not he will become panda eyes tonite o mayb he scare i 捣蛋 at TSFM.XD

after tsfm,guess wat~wuhan suddenly on9 for like a hundreds years he no on9 liao..when he stand in front of me..n say hello..i was like O.O....wow!i there wa wa wa wa XD remember back really kind of stupid at tat time..LOL!

at night,even if loving treat me good when at tsfm,when at night damn he bully me again!i say i wan tat nian ni ba song..he don't wan gv me!shit him><

today so sienz~~but great to meet new frens from ts family..xiaoyii..she sing soooooooooooo nice!!!!n sianzboi sing xin tiao not bad~n i discover tat lao da ringtone is nian li ba nian li ba nian nian nian li ba XD...

by 爱情Bluey，

10.28pm
24/4/2010

The 1st day: without him & at Top Secret family

the 1st time without talking to him..really felt weird..usually he start to talk..but now when not talking..i feel weird..but when he talk..i will get bored>seeing him like tat i felt uneasy..i hate this feeling..should i get together with him agian o should i juz gv up on him?

about joining family top secret~i knew a lot of friends..ah jun the committee become my sifu...DJ sifu...angie become my singing sifu *play cool*
yesterday night,i knew a guy mayb older than me a bit..lol..he ply piano so WELL!!*jealous*n also he got VERY VERY GOOD VOICE!his name is LovEDocT.i like to call him doc~it make him feel like very geng XDlike the 'dexter in the laboratory' XD when he zi tan zi chang..wa 4 8 nice!u would hv melted there when u hear it LOL!serious he really sing very well!darn..muz ask him to teach me how he learn it..after he sing a few songs,he tell me a lot of secrets duh @@..bout his crush on a girl,how he like to sing,n i knew one thing..he say one thing tat i got touched by it 'I don't really like to become DJ,what i really one is..sing.even its jus a small little things with ur hands touching on the piano n ur voice trying to follow the keys..it gives a lot of meaning.singing is the only way i could express myself'.....TAT WAS A TOUCHING STORY :'(
i think he also as same as me..loving someone tat u can never hv...*sigh*wish him to recover from the pain..
to LovEDocT
DOC!JIA YOU JIA YOU!I WILL SUPPORT U DE!COZ I M UR TOU HAO FANS! XD u say tat i will forget ur voice when u r on a radio..duh..if only u always sing n let me hear lo~then i can remember o..express out the words tat u hv keep in ur heart for 7 years.

LOL~wat a good fren i m XD(perasan perasan)

WRITTEN BY,
爱情Bluey

19/4/2010
10:10am

i wish i was never been born

'when ur da jie in teens,she never ply computer like u.when ur da jie in teens,she knows how to cook good food.when ur da jie in teens,she always study very hard'
IS TAT ALL U CAN SAY!?!?!WHEN UR DA JIE IN TEENS WHEN UR DA JIE IN TEENS???DID U EVER THOUGHT OF ME?!!??I DO EVERYTHING I COULD THIS YEAR..N WAT DID U SAY?!!?'when ur da jie in teens'..U KNW WAT I WAN??I WAN FREEDOM!!I WAN FRENS!!I WAN CATHERINE CHENG AS MY FREN!!I WAN MY FRENS BACK...BUT U HATE THEM!U DON EVEN GET WAT I REALLY WAN!!MY FRENS HV BOYFRENS SO WAT?!?!?I CNT BE FRENS WIF THEM ANYMORE!?!??!THEY R STILL A HUMAN TAT ACCOMPANY ME WHEN I GOT SCOLDED BY TEACHER,THEY R THE ONE WHO HUG ME WHEN I M IN NID N THEY R THE ONE WHO TALK TO ME WHEN MY MIND WAS FULL OF HATEFUL THOUGHTS!EVEN SHE HAS A BOYFREN..SHE CARE FOR ME MORE THAN HER BF!!
BUT WAT DID U GV ME???U JUS ONLY KNOW 'when ur da jie in teens'!!!
i gt fed up of this..i M OUTTA HERE!!!

one week raya holiday

爱

爱要来就来

爱要走就走

Wh3n it com3s

tr3asur3 it wif ur h3art

S3kurang-kurangnya

akan m3ninggalkan

k3nangan yg T3RINDAH

The 10 most hurting,touching sentences in my life

Top 10 hurting sentences
1. shang ko cha xiu hou ko shang lei chut lei ar!!
2. i was juz plying wif u.tat time at installation is juz an act duh...
3. yes...i admit..i cheat her money..
4. actually this is my net gf lai de...
5. pls don tell *** **** tat we r together...
6. i dun wan u angry at my ex gf!!!
7. bobo,u wan another mother o me?
8. fen shou kuai le zhu ni kuai le
9. dui...wo gen ben dou mei you xi huan guo ni
10. ignore me!!!!!!don ever come bother me!!

Top 10 touching sentences
1. u faster go sleep..i already is a panda..tomorrow i dun wan see the 2nd panda
2. bluey.ni jiu ke ai ar..err...jiu shi xi huan ni ba..err..
3. wat r frens for??
4. congratz.
5. wo xiang yao zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai
6. kuai dian la....for once we all can take photo together!!one family!!come on!!we cnt be late
7.

HOLIDAY SIENZ==!!

as i thought holiday would be fun==ended up getting more bored==

Zui ai hai shi ni 最愛還是你 You are still the one i love the most by Danson

沒開口的話 怎樣才能懂
我好想把畫面倒帶回頭
你留在我心中 熟悉的表情
每個溫暖純白的記憶 穿越了距離

擁擠的人潮 沒有人知道
我偷偷想你 嘴角就會笑
不要說對不起 也不要問原
因就讓世界不停的向前 別忘記從前

最愛還是你　這是我的決定
像宇宙相對的星　互相吸引
慢慢就會靠近　還是要愛你
時間會證明　我愛你的勇氣
牽著你的手　才知道是永久

這一次我放棄了所有
是為了再與你相遇

最愛還是你　這是我的決定
像宇宙相對的星　互相吸引
慢慢就會靠近　還是要愛你
時間會證明　我愛你的勇氣
牽著你的手　才知道是永久

一輩子不放手

mei kai kou de hua zen yang cai neng dong
wo hao xiang ba hua mian dao dai hui tou
ni liu zai wo xin zhong shou xi de biao qing
mei ge wen nuan chun bai de ji yi chuan yue le ju li

yong ji de ren chao mei you ren zhi dao
wo tou tou xiang ni zui jiao jiu hui xiao
bu yao shuo dui bu qi ye bu yao wen yuan yin
jiu rang shi jie bu ting de xiang qian bie wang ji cong qian

zui ai hai shi ni zhe shi wo de jue ding
xiang yu zhou xiang dui de xing hu xiang xi yin
man man jiu hui kao jin hai shi yao ai ni
shi jian hui zheng ming wo ai ni de yong qi
qian zhe ni de shou cai zhi dao shi yong jiu

zhe yi ci wo fang qi le suo you
shi wei le zai yu ni xiang yu

zui ai hai shi ni zhe shi wo de jue ding
xiang yu zhou xiang dui de xing hu xiang xi yin
man man jiu hui kao jin hai shi yao ai ni
shi jian hui zheng ming wo ai ni de yong qi
qian zhe ni de shou cai zhi dao shi yong jiu

yi bei zi bu fang shou

How do we understand the unspoken words
I wanted so much to rewind the image
The familiar expression you left in my heart
Every warm and pure white memories surpassed our distance

In the crowd, no one knew
My lips would be in a smile just thinking of you
Don't say sorry and don't ask the reason
Let this world keeps going, don't forget the past

You are still the one I love the most, it's my decision
Like the opposite stars in the universe attracted to each other
They will slowly get closer, I still have to love you
Time will prove the courage of my love for you
It's when holding your hand I'll know what forever is

This time I give up everything
Just to meet you again

You are still the one I love the most, it's my decision
Like the opposite stars in the universe attracted to each other
They will slowly get closer, I still have to love you
Time will prove the courage of my love for you
It's when holding your hand I know what forever is

Never letting go

The difference between before and after examT.T

~[before exam]~
my table was like a mountain of books!!!!=.=..
if i got the machine tat can plug in my memory into this computer..
i will show u my 'clean' tableT.T
wouldn it be great if they is no books n we can use laptopsT.T

~[after exam]~
my table is finally clean!!!!!!but still full of books!!=.=
the exam is finally over!!!!n finally i can on9!!!!!!!!!!god!!!!
3 days cannot on9 already wan die liao...if 1 week!!!ho!!!i need 3 life liaoT.T
the best is finally sdo!!!LVL 20!!!I CAN PASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!really need celebrate!!haha!!!
on back MMT..everyone as always..ignore me>.<..haizzz

对宝贝的告白

宝贝。ni zhi dao wo shi zai jiang ni de...xiexie ni bang le wo xie le yi ke hen chang de essay..
hahaz!!
back to the point..==
qi shi wo tan bai de gen ni shuo..wo zhen de xi huan ni le...zhen de..
ke shi wo bu ken ding ni you mei you na jong gan jue..
di yi qi wo men jian de jiu shi zai on9 game..
wo hai ji de wo invite ni jing lai de
mei xiang dao wo yi wen ni you mei you lao puo le..ni jiu zhe jie shuo yao bu yao ***** T.T
na ge shi hou wo zhen de xia tao T.T
zui hou wo dou shuo ke yi...=.=...

kai tou da suan shi game ba le..ending up like tis...
ended up wo men zhen de yi qi le
jiang jiu wo mei gen ni shuo guo..
现在我就在这里跟你说
宝贝。我爱你

You are my friend

Standing by,

All the way.

Here to help you through your day.

Holding you up,

When you are weak,

Helping you find what it is you seek.

Catching your tears,

When you cry.

Pulling you through when the tide is high.

Just being there,

Through thick and thin,

All just to say, you are my friend.