the sleepless week

now i really found out that i really start to fall for him..i really need someone to talk to but i don hv the courage to tell anybody....i wanna tell him today especially when there is only 2 of us in the room the whole afternoon...i really wanna tell him that i like him but when tell myself n i look at him,i will eventually pretend that i look outside n peek at him,then look back at my laptop screen..as he just sit beside the window..so..he didn realize at all..i think..then tonight i try to sleep again but to no avail..i failed again= =...i kept thinking about him n i am desperately want to tell someone about my condition...at least someone will gives me opinion right?i just wanna know whether i really do like him o just an admire...starting from the time i look into his eyes...i don know...he just got those eyes that will make me nervous all over and eventually blushed ><..thus,he surely don't like at i m a fat girl,we are like 2 different ppl..he is smart and cool and good...i m just a stubborn girl who is stupid in almost everything...i really need a friend who i can trust that can keep my secret now...i really desperately need the talk so i can get my sleep again...

20/3

as th edays went by,i just couldn't thinking about u...seeing u every night just make matters worse...i hv already told myself..u r perfect enough..that's why i hv to back off..so u could find yourself a perfect one...me???i m just a big fat dumbass with no brains and even skills...i cant even cook...all i do is just ply games...i don get it...i thought i m the person who fall in love easily and also who will let go easily...but why cant i now??why cant i give up on u???i sometimes cant control myself n would go to ur table and look at what u r doing...and sometimes i will try to communicate with u...but when u sit beside a girl and even lend her ur phone...i cant do anything but just look and hope that she wont accept...is this called jealous??
ans somemore in the maths tutorial..whne i ask sir that tomorrow i m gonna attend his lecture again,ur reaction really surprises me....u ask me 'is it u actually don understand wat the sire teach during the lecture so u r gonna attend the same lecture again for tomorrow?'...inside me i was like..omigod...he actually cares for me...but then i suddenly just got nervous n says the truth out which is i absent for the lecture actually....shit..i shouldn't hv say that coz mayb he might tutor me...i guess i really think too much..= =
this shit is getting serious..i must PUT IT DOWN AND GIVE UP!!!CLEAR UR BRAINS N GO TO SLEEP!!!NOW!!!now!!!!!!!!!!!!

14/3

my class was on 8am.but i woke up late...around 7.15...then i rush to shower n finish packing my bag and rush to class..when i see him going through the shortcut..he is wearing his earphones..so i don want to call him..he is quite far from me so i try walk faster until i m right behind him...he still don know i m behind him..then i thought to myself..look around..just look around...but he didn't..so i thought again...if he turn around before we reach our class,i will keep fit n get his heart one day..then i look at his hair..then he look around..i look at his eyes..his cold eyes...he a bit shocked i was right behind him..inside i was like...omg...he can hear what i thought????@@..he take off his earphones..and i tried to act normal and avoid the awkward silent..as i open a discussion to talk wif him until we reach our destination which is not very far.when we reach our class,we walk separate ways as i always sit infront and he sit behind..when i settle down,i suddenly feel like an idiot who keep smiling..so i pretend to sleep so no one will notice..got some moments i will look at him n wonder if just now he actually just heard footsteps??...

It is really a long time since the last time i touch this blog..actually i forgot about this blog that i created..hehez...forgetful lar...ppl old liao sure forget things faster de a..XD

today suddenly got the urge to come here and write something...just some random things...fine..i couldn't sleep..and i don know why...fed up lar..i hv tried reading books but to no avail..then i tried close my eyes for a long time but in the end..i keep staring at the ceiling..then i scan my brain..actually what was i thinking that made me cannot sleep..then i got the urge to ply guitar...and its already about 2am..i thought of lazying around so i close my eyes again but then i give up..i take my guitar and ply..XD..good for a stress release i guess..^^

when i flip open the music book and found a song..'请非得以'..i just love that song..its reminds me a lots of memories which cannot be stated here..hehez..and also it reminds me of the application that i taken just now in facebook...it is an apps about what does your birthday color say about you...the result was actually surprisingly accurate..its says i fall in love easily and letting it go easily when i couldn't get it..i guess its true..because i always fall for the handsome guy,and a week after,i will let go off them coz usually that time was when i found their negative sides...wat i really means is like what i found things that i dislike in them...then i will let them go...and i will say to myself.."they r so perfect..with me??nehx..in my dreams also won't happen lar..they r just too perfect for me..he is tall,handsome,got money,etc..me who looks like a stupid,lazy,busybody,fat pig...he wants meh??haiya..."

but really sometimes i really wish to find someone that i really really will give my life to him.not only he must love me,but also must not shorter than me.hehez ><...actually there is more just that sure not enough space to write all that...XDD...haiya..lazy to write al..gonna try to sleep now..at least i hv a 2 hours of sleep then only go to class..X)..goodnight to me~