the sleepless week

now i really found out that i really start to fall for him..i really need someone to talk to but i don hv the courage to tell anybody....i wanna tell him today especially when there is only 2 of us in the room the whole afternoon...i really wanna tell him that i like him but when tell myself n i look at him,i will eventually pretend that i look outside n peek at him,then look back at my laptop screen..as he just sit beside the window..so..he didn realize at all..i think..then tonight i try to sleep again but to no avail..i failed again= =...i kept thinking about him n i am desperately want to tell someone about my condition...at least someone will gives me opinion right?i just wanna know whether i really do like him o just an admire...starting from the time i look into his eyes...i don know...he just got those eyes that will make me nervous all over and eventually blushed ><..thus,he surely don't like at i m a fat girl,we are like 2 different ppl..he is smart and cool and good...i m just a stubborn girl who is stupid in almost everything...i really need a friend who i can trust that can keep my secret now...i really desperately need the talk so i can get my sleep again...

20/3

as th edays went by,i just couldn't thinking about u...seeing u every night just make matters worse...i hv already told myself..u r perfect enough..that's why i hv to back off..so u could find yourself a perfect one...me???i m just a big fat dumbass with no brains and even skills...i cant even cook...all i do is just ply games...i don get it...i thought i m the person who fall in love easily and also who will let go easily...but why cant i now??why cant i give up on u???i sometimes cant control myself n would go to ur table and look at what u r doing...and sometimes i will try to communicate with u...but when u sit beside a girl and even lend her ur phone...i cant do anything but just look and hope that she wont accept...is this called jealous??
ans somemore in the maths tutorial..whne i ask sir that tomorrow i m gonna attend his lecture again,ur reaction really surprises me....u ask me 'is it u actually don understand wat the sire teach during the lecture so u r gonna attend the same lecture again for tomorrow?'...inside me i was like..omigod...he actually cares for me...but then i suddenly just got nervous n says the truth out which is i absent for the lecture actually....shit..i shouldn't hv say that coz mayb he might tutor me...i guess i really think too much..= =
this shit is getting serious..i must PUT IT DOWN AND GIVE UP!!!CLEAR UR BRAINS N GO TO SLEEP!!!NOW!!!now!!!!!!!!!!!!

14/3

my class was on 8am.but i woke up late...around 7.15...then i rush to shower n finish packing my bag and rush to class..when i see him going through the shortcut..he is wearing his earphones..so i don want to call him..he is quite far from me so i try walk faster until i m right behind him...he still don know i m behind him..then i thought to myself..look around..just look around...but he didn't..so i thought again...if he turn around before we reach our class,i will keep fit n get his heart one day..then i look at his hair..then he look around..i look at his eyes..his cold eyes...he a bit shocked i was right behind him..inside i was like...omg...he can hear what i thought????@@..he take off his earphones..and i tried to act normal and avoid the awkward silent..as i open a discussion to talk wif him until we reach our destination which is not very far.when we reach our class,we walk separate ways as i always sit infront and he sit behind..when i settle down,i suddenly feel like an idiot who keep smiling..so i pretend to sleep so no one will notice..got some moments i will look at him n wonder if just now he actually just heard footsteps??...

It is really a long time since the last time i touch this blog..actually i forgot about this blog that i created..hehez...forgetful lar...ppl old liao sure forget things faster de a..XD

today suddenly got the urge to come here and write something...just some random things...fine..i couldn't sleep..and i don know why...fed up lar..i hv tried reading books but to no avail..then i tried close my eyes for a long time but in the end..i keep staring at the ceiling..then i scan my brain..actually what was i thinking that made me cannot sleep..then i got the urge to ply guitar...and its already about 2am..i thought of lazying around so i close my eyes again but then i give up..i take my guitar and ply..XD..good for a stress release i guess..^^

when i flip open the music book and found a song..'请非得以'..i just love that song..its reminds me a lots of memories which cannot be stated here..hehez..and also it reminds me of the application that i taken just now in facebook...it is an apps about what does your birthday color say about you...the result was actually surprisingly accurate..its says i fall in love easily and letting it go easily when i couldn't get it..i guess its true..because i always fall for the handsome guy,and a week after,i will let go off them coz usually that time was when i found their negative sides...wat i really means is like what i found things that i dislike in them...then i will let them go...and i will say to myself.."they r so perfect..with me??nehx..in my dreams also won't happen lar..they r just too perfect for me..he is tall,handsome,got money,etc..me who looks like a stupid,lazy,busybody,fat pig...he wants meh??haiya..."

but really sometimes i really wish to find someone that i really really will give my life to him.not only he must love me,but also must not shorter than me.hehez ><...actually there is more just that sure not enough space to write all that...XDD...haiya..lazy to write al..gonna try to sleep now..at least i hv a 2 hours of sleep then only go to class..X)..goodnight to me~

3 more days to go~

oh great...another day has gone...
and it almost times up for the SPM result to come out
why can't the holiday be any longer o just stop there@@?
when i got up today...SHOOT!!@@it's already 12noon..
oh great..i have to eat breakfast n lunch together = =
tomommow night i will be going to my friend's to BBQ...
i don't think i will diet on that time already..
I m gonna eat as much as i can@@
if not...don know after spm i can eat as much as that or not..

hmmm...today on9 meetoto..wel..as usual..nothing happened..
i go rockstar hangout and found ah yes over there...
i wonder if there is anyone call ah no...XDDD
then they can be twin lolx~~
i found a few professional singers there also X)
(Wings93,classicjazz,n somemore...a lot than u expected..)

To be continued...

Written by,
爱情Bluey

1:51pm
20/3/2011

UNABLE TO TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna find someone to talk to...when i found it..i hv nothing to say to them..i just felt something inside me is getting heavier n heavier..
I ask myself:MY GOD!!I GAIN WEIGHT???!!!
well..of coz after a few sleep eat sleep n eat routine...haha@@
but still there is like something wrong...very very wrong..
i feel like i made a wrong decision..but...I DON KNOW WHAT I HV MADE WRONG..
then i feel like..i want this then want this..when i got it home....'Y THE HELL I GET THIS THINGS?'
darn= =...
still now...i don know wat i really really REALLY want...Help me Pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!!SAVE ME!!

Written By,
爱情Bluey

11:33pm
26/2/2011

4th day of holiday

even it is a holiday..which everyone is eager to wait for it..but not me..although i can sleep till 12pm without mother nagging..but this makes me worry one little thing which is...
'I m alone again'
i always went to school..with a i-m-confident look..
but u haven't know..what actually happen inside of me..
i m not the confident ppl that u think is..i weaker than u hv thought..
n most of all...i m always alone..no matter how hard i try..i will ended up..being alone..
i try to go up..spice up the scene..ya..they r happy..which makes me happy..
but when someone came up stage..they will all forget about me..they will leave me aside..
even when i write a lot of things..they never read it nor answer my question..
mayb i m really useless after all..
i always think i deserve having a great family like them..but i was wrong..
i never deserve it at all..all of them so clever..n talented..me??jus only a piece of junk..which even a garbage junk would not like to take in..
i just only a stupid which make ppl more work to do..
i m only just a piece of junk which no one wanted..
i really deserve the lonely feelings which had haunted me for years..
this will never stopped..
wat hurt me most..even 'that' person..ignore me like others did..i guess there is really no good reason for me to live in this green Earth right?

Written by,
爱情Bluey a.k.a 坏运气天使

5:01pm
07/09/2010